a new game

one time i was in high school. i think i was a senior when this happened.

i said the wrong thing to a psychiatrist. specifically, i used the terms,

"nazi" and "vampire" in a metaphorical way. to me, a "nazi" was someone

who oppressed other people and who had strict rules that he followed, as in

a businessman who "only follows orders" or who worships money. to me, a

"vampire" was someone who was artistic, different, not afraid to be different.

however, as is often the case, this particular psychiatrist took things very literally

and he thought that i was having hallucinations. so he got up and left to talk to

my parents. i then pushed my way past the three of them, and said that i was

going to be walking home. a few blocks from there, in a park, i noticed that there

were some police cars and an ambulance coming up to me. the police officers

said something like, "your doctor says that you're upset. you need to come with us."

so they handcuffed me to a stretcher and brought me in to the psychiatric ward

of a hospital.

i say all of this because it is a profound realization that some people have to learn

the hard way, that life is a game, and that games consist of rules. if you upset

the authorities, you're either going to be "on the run" and your odds aren't good,

or you're going to have to submit to the handcuff, the locked door, the syringe,

the drugs. those of us who are anti-psychiatry understand that human rights

abuses are common in the system. we need to work to create a better system,

one that does not use artificial drugs, torturous methods, torture-drugs,

locked doors, forcible injections, and so on.

on reflection, it seems that teenagers are tortured and detained by psychiatry

for one or more of several different reasons.

the first reason is an action, a decision, made by the teenager, (or adult) which

is not accepted by society. this could include suicide attempts.

the second reason is disciplinary. these are teens, or adults, whose behavior

is disturbing to other people. they are delinquents. some of them are

eventually headed for prison. in fact i knew a kid who was in a psychiatric

ward and who ended up in a prison, and he was always bullying other people.

the third reason is irrationality. these are the people who think that, for example,

the CIA is putting implants in their heads which channel the voices that they hear.

at the other extreme from the people who end up being locked up, are the people

who end up playing the game of life so well that they become millionaires or

billionaires.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that people get fed propaganda when they go to

high school, that this country is a "democracy" and that human rights are being

respected, and that we are the "best" country in the world. but the cold hard

truth is that "psychiatry is torture." --as thomas szasz says. and there are torturous

elements to any kind of disciplinary system, whether a prison or whatever, where

the doors are locked and where rules are enforced.

the best you can do, if you are imprisoned under psychiatric circumstances,

is to enjoy yourself as much as you can, and to become cooperative with the

propaganda. "the greatest good is like water." --tao te ching. in ancient china,

there were many forms of torture. in modern america, as well, there are many

forms of torture. when behind locked doors, you can pump out the bullshit,

the propaganda, in the hopes of getting free. but the testing time is when

someone tries to get you to confide in her. "between you and me, you can be

honest with me." thus the nurse tries to get you to confide that you still have

delusions or hallucinations. these are evidence of a "thought crime" as in the

novel 1984. it is those times when you must toe the line, in terms of propaganda,

and put it in as convincing a way as you can. tell the truth if it will let you go free,

tell lies if you have to, anything to further your own freedom.

when one realizes that all is betrayal, that even one's family will betray one to

the authorities, it might be a bit of a shock, but soon it becomes old news.

the real question is---- in a world where everyone is willing to betray just

about everyone else, how are you going to play the game of life? how are you

going to get enough money to survive?

you must have an infinitely optimistic attitude. you are going to make it

through this. you are more than capable, not only of surviving and supporting

a family, but of thriving and having the best in life. to the extent that you

believe the devil's lies, you will see yourself as defective, wrong, ill, homeless,

powerless. but to the extent you believe God and God's Word, you will free

yourself from that slavery. "you will know the truth and the truth shall set

you free." God wants you to live an abundant life. Jesus said, "I have come

that they might have life, and that more abundantly."

why is it that when someone comes to Jesus and starts talking about religion,

about faith and heaven and salvation---- why is it that the authorities then

start treating him with disdain? it's because at that moment, the suspect,

the criminal, the "thought criminal" started to play a game with an infinitely

better future in it. he knows he's going to heaven. and he's going to get a taste

of heaven on earth. he's no longer playing the old "crime (sin) and punishment"

game that the cops and psychiatrists are so eager to play.

then you realize there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

there are a multitude of shows on TV with police officers as the main

characters. they solve a mystery. there was a corpse found, obviously

a murder was committed, thus the story goes on, for example.

when the criminal is apprehended, he is treated with disrespect,

as this is the final end-point of the plot structure---- make the

antagonist feel pain and suffer confinement. thus, in the same way,

police officers and psychiatrists see themselves as the "heroes"

protecting the community, while the criminals and "thought criminals"

are the ones being locked up, being tortured with drugs for the greater good.

then there are the reality "cop" shows which show real police officers dealing with

common people, common criminals. why so many cop shows on TV?

because the purpose of TV is to get you to understand and accept the lie

that everything is, or will be, monitored, and that all criminals (or

"thought criminals") will eventually be punished. it would be much better

to have a lot more coverage, for example, of business people, of entrepreneurs,

more educational shows. but in this society, the rich are indeed getting richer,

and so when the common people turn on the TV, they need to be brainwashed,

supposedly, into thinking that all rebelliousness will be punished. thus, the song

that's often on the radio, "when i fight authority, authority always wins."

we need to make young people aware that "cops and robbers" is merely a game,

and that other games exist out there, that are much more lucrative,

such as entrepreneurship. what i have found that is true about "mental illness"

is that often, it is merely discord in communication. anger often comes from

unmet expectations. so when one has no real expectations, and when harmony

returns, and when optimism returns, it is as if there never was any "mental illness."

this life is a play, but the actors are masks through which the Cosmic Self speaks.

when you realize this, you realize that you cannot get angry or run away from

some masks. it is better to channel energy in a positive way, in a creative way.

because everything is energy. everything is communication and silence.

i used to believe in "free will." i mean that i believed in the ability to make

choices. but experiences i had with my family calling the police, and experiences

i had in psychiatric wards, convinced me that life is to some extent totalitarian.

and i became aware, through studying Zen, that the appropriate thing to do,

the "right" thing to do, is often the only way one can allow oneself to behave.

so... when we are doing what God wants us to do, there really is no "free will,"

according to one way of looking at it. life is a chess game. and when your

purposes become crossed with someone else's purposes, and when you leave

your king (your freedom) vulnerable to an attack, you will be checkmated

(locked up.) on at least one occasion a relative apologized to me for calling the

police to have me locked up. but, he said, he had no other choice.

i responded to that in this way: yes, it is true that people betray each other.

in the novel 1984, a son betrays his father to be tortured to death by the

"thought police." but this guy, this relative, was essentially saying, "i'm

sorry that you went through what you went through, the pain of being

beaten by the police, but it really was the best decision to call the police

and to have you locked up." my response was: the pain meant nothing

to me. i can undergo pain. and even as i was being beaten by the police,

i was still shouting insults at them. so i learned some important things:

that i can be easily betrayed by so called "family" and that even when

the police are beating me up, i can still shout insults at them. it makes one

think about the fiction of "family" that seems sometimes to be so important,

and yet reveals itself to be only a fiction... but for a family member to say,

"i'm sorry for the pain you had to go through, but i made the right decision

in calling the police" is itself a double insult, first, insulting me by saying that

i am not a man, that i cannot take pain, and second, by once again affirming

the basic betrayal's rationalization. i am not angry at my relatives, but i

understand that they have no loyalty to my freedom, to my ability to make

my own decisions. there is something insane in my family, in the world itself

as well, and the only sanity i find is in the words of Jesus.

if you are ever asking yourself, "what is the meaning of life?" another way

to put that is, "how does one survive? what is the meaning of survival?"

and in this society, obviously one needs to have money to survive.

above and beyond mere survival, and getting needs met, there are emotional

needs that have to be met, the desire for attention, for conversation, for

love. psychiatry is a form of torture that enriches the drug companies and

their drug pushers, psychiatrists and the entire psychiatric system.

so for some people, the basic challenge is how to get along with people

in a positive way, without the need for people to call the police, and for

the totalitarian element of this so called "democracy" to show its iron fist.